I’ve been MIA, so I’ve neglected you. My apologies! Life just whisks you away sometimes into a shit storm with no rain coat and a grin and you have to take some time out to clean your teeth. But… Here I am!

Let’s talk about it: the emotional affair. Is it cheating or not? When does it become cheating? And why is it such a big deal? For some, it starts at the moment of conception. For others, it’s the first flutter of the heartbeat. Some people think it happens when the first breath is taken to speak. But regardless of your position on when it begins, I think we can all agree with the following statement: if you can’t tell your partner, then you’re cheating.

The man who I most highly regarded as my stepfather as a child once said to me that, when making decisions, if it were a good idea, it would generally be an easy “yes”. If it required a lot of forethought and turmoil, it was usually because I instinctively didn’t trust the concept. It’s still something I keep in mind when I make decisions. And when I’m flirting with someone, I know I’m fucking up. It feels good, but it comes with guilt because I know my partner wouldn’t stand for me doing it in his face. And just because they don’t see you didn’t mean they can’t see you. Think about it for a minute.

I know you’re trying to figure out why exactly forging emotional bonds is cheating. It’s simple: there is more than one way to cheat someone. When you turn to someone else to share your deepest thoughts and feelings, you are cheating your partner out of your friendship. When you are coming home late because you met that ex at a bar for a drink to “catch up”, you are cheating your partner of your time. When you are busy laughing and texting back that whore from the office (this is not gender specific) instead of snuggling and engaging in pillow talk, you’re cheating them of your love. You see where this is going, right?

Flirting is a gateway drug. It feels good, tickles the ego just the right way. From there, they become our emotional support. We use them to fill that void when the world doesn’t quite yet acknowledge us. We eat up their approval- it coats our tummies well and we sleep good at night. Now, we are wondering what they’re doing when we should be sleeping/working. Before long, our bestie in the wings has us spread eagle, intertwining spirits, filling our dark abyss with throbbing heat. But wait… Don’t we have people at home that do these things for us?

In a world of snakes, it can be hard to know who to trust and where to turn. Let me first just say this: if it doesn’t start at home, you’re fucking up. It’s time to do something different. Depending on your situation, leaving may not be the answer. Maybe it’s counseling! Maybe it’s you needing to be more communicative about what you need! Only you know what the answer is, but I can tell you that if you’re happy at home, you’re just sabotaging yourself and creating a cycle of dependency on others to find your joy. At the end of the day, this emotional affair is simply a bandage repair for a deeply rooted issue. Until you find it, you’ll continue to hemorrhage. If you’re not careful, that last one could be literal.